A few weeks back I started to feel restricted. In work appropriate clothes with compliance regulations and access requests and trainings…mandatory insurance enrolments and payroll deductions and five-year vesting. And all the projected voices confidently declaring what I’d be a fool not to do. I missed the freedom and fluidity of no retirement plan at all; of ripped denim on a Tuesday or just deciding on a whim not to show up…to beach day instead with caffeine and the characters who live next to the whole wide ocean.
After a few days of feeling crazy, I was praying about things and realized that I tend to feel too masculine in highly structured work environments. Coming from a small, estrogen-dominated non-profit arts organization to a huge, state-funded agricultural and engineering university has been a huge blessing with regard to benefits and getting life going here on the East Coast, but it’s also been quite an adjustment.
What I’ve done to soften the edges is pinterest pencil skirts to purchase and keep my nails painted; I’ve curated a more feminine playlist and made plans to plan to keep rich, dark chocolate on hand. I also ordered an essential oils blend I learned about from my Sensei at the ballet studio that’s designed to support female hormonal balance // function.
I googled a list of ways to celebrate and encourage my femininity and saw that caring for plants and shopping were two suggestions I naturally enjoy that are easy to more regularly incorporate in the coming months. Agatha (my air plant) already lives at my work desk along with a welcome plant I was given by my supervisor, but I think I will be on the lookout for more succulents and // or air plants to add to the family. I’ve also gotten a lot better at being a selective shopper in recent years, which means that I can go look and touch and consider things without blowing all my fun money on purchases I don’t value.
I found that identifying what was making me feel wonky, and the feminine-oriented playlist I created have already made a significant difference. I’m looking forward to these upcoming autumn and winter months…being able to implement these intentions and tending to my almost-twenty-eight-year-old soul.
. . . & &
a snapshot of my curated playlist:
· Til’ the End, Waterdeep
· Song of the Saints, Page CXVI
· Jesus I Am Resting, Page CXVI
· Touch the Sky, Hillsong United
· Make Your Vision, Cattle & Cane